Sober Living: How to Live the Sober Lifestyle (My Story)

I'm five years sober and I probably started drinking for the first time when I was as young as 14. Monday nights; four, five in the morning you know still partying or whatever three, four times a week. I think at its peak, exploration of life and experimentation and all this kind of stuff. To be clear, this isn't a segment about judgment and this isn't a segment about beating my own chest or for solitizing or prophetic with people and look at me and you are not something. We all are a thing and we are all in different places of our journey as it relates to our relationship with ourselves and our world and those around us and similar.

So, just to be clear, no matter where you're at in your life watching this video that I pass no judgment upon you and for a long time, I passed judgment upon myself as it related to my patterns and behaviors and things I was doing in with my life. And as I did that, I recognize how tough it felt and how heavy it felt and how hard I was actually still being on myself both physically, emotionally and mentally reflecting on and considering a number of these patterns that are imbued in this kind of lifestyle. The lifestyle of addiction or the lifestyle of substance use or similar.

And nowadays, I would suggest that this is a pattern that is deeply infused into our culture particularly in the West where it is just common social interlinking that the way people connect is over a beer or is at a bar or has something to do with that entire world environment and that's up to you. That's really the most important thing is that it's up to you what you choose for yourself in your life. But let me suggest to you some of the ways that I realized those patterns had control over me and equally, the ways that I live my life at the mercy of them I guess really is the best way to say that.

[00:02:40] Firstly, the biggest thing that I recognized and realized as it pertained to sobriety and living a sober lifestyle was that I was suppressing things that I felt by just getting drunk or whatever, right and that didn't solve any of the things that I was suppressing. It just pushed them over. So, I would suppress with liquor and then, I would have a brutal headache and vibe and feeling the next day and then, I would feel good again but these things would come up so then when I was good again, I'd go back to what the other side of going and partying and drinking and what-have-you. And that cycle would repeat itself and for me, that cycle repeated for years and years and years because that was the lifestyle I thought we live in, that was the world I thought I am.

And it got to a place where I recognized that it isn't me and that it didn't feel healthy and that it was hurting my body. That I was regularly exhausted quite down in many respects from these experiences and so, I started to do the work because I hit those moments where I thought that's enough of feeling that way and this is what it's really about.

[00:04:13] If you're happy and you legitimately feel good in your life and you go out and you have a glass of wine with dinner or some friends and your social. Like it's your journey in that respect, it's not mine. I believe I come from a philosophy that believes it is not my place to project into your world the choices for yourself that you make in your world in-so-far as that those choices don't hurt other people, right. So, go have a drink but don't get behind the seat of your car and drive home otherwise, I think we have a problem and we can all agree. So to each your own but for me, I recognize how that made me feel and for me in my journey I chose, consciously chose to say no to that that. That wasn't good enough for me anymore, that I needed to do something different and so I started on that journey and at first, it was tough. Have full circle of friends that are used to a certain experience with you. So, you're disrupting other people's predictable rhythm or routine in their world because you're shifting your pattern and this doesn't matter any pattern that we shift for ourselves.

It doesn't matter anything we do in our lives to make adjustments, that's going to impact those around us. I go from a guy who's buying tequila shots for everybody within a line of sight and leading the party to a guy who is just content to be in the space and not needing to be the guy hanging from the chandelier. And that shifts people's expectation of how to connect with me, how to engage, how to communicate, what our common interests are and all this sort of stuff. And not only that, it serves as a mirror back as a challenge to others about how they're living their lives.

[00:06:10] So, you can get very like oh, I don't drink and snobby about it and stuff and you can actually really disrupt friendships and relationships. There's a function of that if you take that journey that way because it does disrupt the way they're thinking about themselves. It can bring up shame and guilt and resentment and envy and all these kind of like darker burrowing emotions which honestly are what we're suppressing when we're getting intoxicated, right. This is my general premise on the whole without getting too off topic and focusing on that, the real exploration of the why just that that is or it was for me which I recognized.

For me, I got to the place where I said that's enough. I feel like shit, I've got a brutal hangover. They're starting to last like two days of the shot. I'm feeling anxious and anxiety from the liquor being in my system. I'm feeling uncomfortable, I don't feel settled, I feel toxic. The body, it has a beautiful magical way of giving us all kinds of warning signs and signals about its lack of interest in continuing to support unhealthy patterns. And as a general rule in our life, I would suggest that we need to listen to those because those are our intuitive guides to who we are and what we're supposed to be and how we're supposed to live our lives, how we're supposed to look after ourselves. And we choose that consciously or not to listen to it or not or just drown it out with another beer.

[00:07:50] I did this for a heck of a long time so I stopped and I've since been on this journey of transforming my life. I've been on this journey of allowing good vibes in. I've always been an upbeat positive spirit. I've always been searching for the light in my life. I've always had a flame lit in my being that no matter how dark my world seemed to get, that I could still hang on to the  hope of who I am.

The many struggle with that, right. And we can drown ourselves in that liquor and that lack of confidence or that's the sense of despair of the world coming in on us and what not only use that as a solution for us to avoid facing it in making adjustments; tough decisions or tough days. Ah! You know? What a tough day I had, I need a drink, right? These associations that suggest to us that that is the way to respond to what we're experiencing but our work is to find healthy ways to respond into what we're experiencing to move through them.

When we take responsibility for our lives as opposed to this victim perspective and philosophy of our lives. The victim perspective of saying oh, all this world is coming at me. I am victim to it, woe is me, fuck the world, get me another beer. I mean that's the thing is the weight and the heaviness and the hanging over the bar and the drinking this thing with no fucking clue will say about how to resolve it and the feeling that your answers are just in the bottom of that bottle and among other substances.

[00:09:45] I mean this exists. There are many people who go through it and you know vies a vie but even just considering the philosophy that I am the creator and responsible for my experience and that everything that I experienced comes  for me is a suggestion I make for those that are seeking and considering to  explore a sober lifestyle. To see how just considering even that perspective, that suggestion can change their whole world and the way they look at it. So then we look at ourselves and we say wow look how I'm treating myself. So, we get into some self-love  and some personal forgiveness and some actual like healthy eating and some exercise and some nice walks and hikes outdoors and we kind of like we let that  in. We stop victimizing ourselves saying we don't deserve to feel good and we don't have money, we're not supposed to have money or I carry all this shame from something that happened when I was a child or getting really deep.

Like in a past life or the energy that's carried through from our families, energetic linkages or memorized into our DNA and we weren't even responsible for these like familial patterns that that come with us. We release these things and we say me and I myself in this moment permit myself to feel good. I permit myself to feel great. So, what are those things that make me feel great? And on my list was not a hangover, was not needing all these different substances to experience life. I'm high on life. There's so much going on as you open up in this respect. It's a lot as it is. It's not overwhelming because you develop the tools as you do this work mindfully; good food, exercise, meditation, good circle of friends, creative hobbies, endeavors that are  different than just going to a bar and having a drink. You're saving more money.

[00:12:00] There's all kinds of stuff that come from it and each of these little pieces infuse together to help create a new lifestyle that's a sober healthy lifestyle and every day, you feel better doing it and every day, it gets easier. But we're the only ones who can do it for ourselves so no matter where you're out watching this, you're loved, you're supported, you're appreciated and you have the full scope of opportunity ahead of you in your world in your life no matter where you've come from to right where you are now to be everything and anything you want going forward.

I mean you have to do it but you have to stop expecting surely other people to do it for you. That's the victim power, entitlement. I'm supposed to have all this stuff, the world owes me all these things. The world doesn't owe you anything. You don't have a divine right to all these things. They are here for you though if you seek them but if you don't and in that great victim inner child stomping your feet like gimme-gimme-gimme and fuck the world because you haven't temper tantrum which is prevalent and happens often and is common stuff.

In that, you can swallow everything in that. Your whole life could be swallowed in that story. Just consider the other perspective now. There's addictive patterns, there's all kinds of other things we're talking about as it relates to sober living in to moving through addictions and similar. I'm not going to get in the deep like biological philosophy of this but I'm going to suggest that you have the mental and physical ability and spiritual as well; whatever your faith, denomination to move through whatever challenges you face and these low vibrating states you're experiencing and to embracing high vibrating states that are possible and waiting for you. And they're not waiting for you in some far-off land, it starts now.

[00:14:05] You ask yourself right in this moment what feels good to me, what feels great and you start heading down that path. And you'll know what doesn't because nothing that is good for you will make you feel bad. It's just a very common easy philosophy to consider and it's true so start there and you start building up like Lego or the building blocks of all these things that feel good. And that is what creates this castle of your life that is strong and stands the test of time and is fantastic in society and as great relationships and the thriving world, a beautiful family and this like nice healthy vibe. Otherwise, it's a really dark dark path and tons of people are on it and they don't necessarily have the tools or means of methods to get out.

[00:15:00] I was just at a big festival gathering I'll say and there's so many people there that were high and using all these different things. And since I've developed my own strength of center and my own being, my own groundedness in my own perspectives and resolves and taking ownership of my own life and all of this, I stood and held space in that environment and many people came up to me while they were highers, we're getting high or once they came down from being high, I mean it was this massive event.

And like let's just pause for a second, let's not kid ourselves. I mean drugs and substances are prevalent everywhere. Marijuana, Cannabis has recently been legalized in Canada and elsewhere and it's like this oh today's the big day, it's been legalized but the reality is I could have bought a joint since I was 14 in a phone call. It's been everywhere since as far as I can remember and that was not to date myself really but like roughly 25 years ago. You know what I mean? It's been around, it's on the street. Like everybody can get whatever they want any time. Whether you've actually formally legalized it or not, this like war on drugs hasn't really been playing out the way it's intended.

A lot of money is moving around but the reality is everything's everywhere and pretty much everybody has access to anything they want irrespective whether people on the news or in government or what-have-you who… I don't know or some of these people generally with all due respect come from because they tend to talk like they don't live in the same world that so  many of us witness. It's like prevalent, it’s like the sunrise. So, what do we do about that, right? We need to actually recognize that's the case and we need to take ownership ourselves for our experience with and in it to make choices that are the best for ourselves and our family and those around us and similar.

[00:16:57] So, as I say that, I'm at this event people are coming up to me and they're in these states and it blew my mind that people did not even recognize or understand or have any idea  how to even participate in the social event sober. I was an anomaly which is fair enough I mean [laughs] used to that some respects, right. But the truth is they're like you're sober and I'm like yeah and like how do you do that and I was like, look what do you mean and there was no judgment. I was just like dumbfounded by how many people didn't even think that they could come to witness and participate in such a spectacular event without fully participating in all the substances that were also kind of intermingled in it.

It wasn't an event about substances but the substances were present there as much as they are I'm suggesting anywhere else in our society. But if we want to be like high performers, if we want to live like our best lives, if we want to really manifest attract everything we seek for ourselves in their lives, we have to allow ourselves to radiate. We have to allow ourselves to vibrate in our greatest state of being in health, positive energy and similar, we have to let it in. And that path by and large, right, I will excuse some caveat and some particular circumstances where these are being used in positive ways and maybe touch on. But generally speaking, that whole realm encourages and stimulates like a little negative vibrating after effect of the use. So, you come down and you don't just come down, you crash like off a cliff energetically and emotionally and physically.

[00:18:55] So, people drop into major states of depression after and there’re in tears, they’re emotional and their hormones are up and down and their emotional states are all over the place. And what are the consequences of those things? I mean they're fatigued, they're tired, so they get irritated, they get angry, they lash out at people. It's anger, it's uhu, it's all of that. Like I'm not interested in it so I'm out them social and people can have social drinks them around and whatever.

But when people start like really zombie in it out and like overdoing it, tipping the scale, I'm out because I'm actually not going to have a conversation or try and rationalize with  somebody in that state. But the next day, when they call me and they feel like shit cuz they're hungover and they're disappointed and feeling guilty and shameful because they overdid it and they say like we all have so many times. I'm never gonna have the drink again, that's the last time I'm ever gonna drink and then, you go back and you have another drink again. Like I'm there to receive the phone call but help them start shifting their lives and their lives that way.

So, how do we do it, right? Find the magic in your life. Find the thing that makes you feel the greatest most holistic sense of joy. Like physically an exercise even great food. I mean we're energy so we put good energy in which is good food, put nutrients and all is magic and abundance. It's in our being, we radiate, we vibrate higher so great food. Go and be social but find alternative things to drink. There's something called ginger beer out there. It's full of like cane sugar and whatnot. It's generally natural source. There's a whole nother discussion to be made about sugar and what not but find alternative beverages to have in the same space.

You'll find that just sipping even on like a soda water with a wedge lime (which I do often) gives you the same kind of effective of just like having a sipping drink in between your sips which are still having a conversation and being social with people. The after effect of which though is not you're gonna have a blistering hangover the next day and be completely unproductive, not being able to talk to anybody and  with your head under a hoodie and your head down because you're exhausted and wiped out burnt, so we have to recognize these couple things. We have to recognize that we are the source of our experience so it's up to us nobody else to make these choices for us.

[00:21:20] If you don't feel good doing what you're doing, whatever it is that you're using or being a part of; whatever, there is a sober life that awaits you. There are tools and resources to help support you in that journey but it's yours to take the steps. I can't do it for you, others can't do it for you. If you feel like shit, you're the only one who can do something about it. One step at a time, you'll start to feel better and you'll start to connect with others who also feel better along the same path. That's how this works.

It's a big journey. It takes courage, it takes strength, it just takes conviction but it's yours, it's mine. It has been mine. I'm not again being all pathetic about it but I'm doing it. I have zero interest in getting high. I have zero. I am high on the natural vibration of life and the stuff I feel and see and I'm aware for and connect with in people and the synchronicity and the spontaneity and the magic just by my taking a step one at a time along my path that naturally emerges because I'm open to receiving it. Is reward enough for me and continues to propel me along this lifestyle and along this path.

It's here for you. We want to touch on it and I want to touch on it because it's important. I'm rooting for those of you that are doing the work. It's a path we start. We move from darkness and to light. This is the alchemy, this is the transformation of who we are into what we can ultimately be which is the best version possible of ourselves in every given moment of our journey.

[00:23:01] That's what we're striving for. Never ultimately really achieved but always closer to as we always get better at everything we do and that's what's possible. And with that comes so much magic and so much opportunity and so much peace, love, joy and happiness, adventure and  fulfillment and that's a whole nother 10 videos to tell you about that. So, have the courage.

Let me know what you think about this video; if it resonates with you, if you're on the path, if you’re doing the work. Like, comment and share below if you’re feeling me. Let me know what you think. Check out my resources. You might also feel that my website at chadmc.com has  a lot of great stuff for you to help  continue to support you along this path. I hold the light up for people like you with the courage to do it like I have and I do for myself really. I get up every day and I light my own torch and we do the work and we walk the steps. So, here we are, Chad McMillan. Appreciate your time, thanks for finding us and that will talk to you soon. [00:24:08]